Years End

This blog is one that is more for me. I need to say goodbye to a year that changed my life as well as the life of my children and three of my grandchildren.  This will be the last blog I do regarding my daughter.  As I reflected back over the year it bring tears to my eyes because this past year was surrounded by me taking care of her and it was a year for making memories for my family, something we had to do because at the time we didn’t know how much time we had.  Memories are made daily with family and friends, but this was something different.  2012 is a year our family will never forget. It was a year that had it’s ups and downs.  The first six months was spent going to chemotherapy three days a week and doctor appointments once a week, dragging oxygen tanks with us.  She was on it daily 24/7 so we had to take it everywhere we went.  In the midst of that, we attended birthday parties, barbques, and church,  we went everywhere together.  We love going to thrift stores, and LOL we lived in Wal-Mart just about every day.  It was our place.  In July we took a trip to Las Vegas to surprise my other daughter who had no clue that we were coming. When she saw it was us she broke down and cried tears of joy.  The trip was long, we had two families in a Grand Caravan, (7).  It was a great trip, one that I didn’t want to end because I knew it would be Deidra’s last event she will ever do.  God had already spoke to me and told me he was bringing her home with him.  On the day before our departure from Vegas, we all went to my daughter, Cheri’s home to pray and drank Holy water.  After prayer, we were loading up to go back to hotel, and my heart sank when I saw my  two daughters say their last goodbyes.  Cheri told Deidra, “this is not good bye because I will see you later”.  As a parent, it is one of the hardest things you have to do.  We returned home, Deidra was admitted to hospital two days later.  Friday, July 27th, 2012 she told me she was sorry but she had to go.  I had to let her go, as the Angels came to get her.  My daughter did everything on her terms.  No one expected her to go, not even her doctors.  She was ready and God knew it.

The day after her funeral, my sister was immediately admitted to the hospital with leg problems which resulted in her being diagnosed with cancer.  Thank God after 14 rounds of radiation to her brain and chest, the cancer cells have just about disappeared.  God is good.

After all of that, I had to watch her three children, three of my grandchildren start a new school year without their mother.  This is the first holiday we all had to get through without our Beloved Deidra.  These holidays will be the hardest especially for her three beautiful children and her twin brother.  It is very hard for me, she was by daughter, my first born daughter.  And now I am raising her daughter.  This year brought many tears, tears of joy and tears of sadness.  Leaving 2012 to go into 2013, as a mother I feel like I’m leaving my daughter behind.  I know she will always be with me in spirit, but it still feels like I’m leaving her.

Even thou this was a terrifying year for our family, it was a true test of our faith.  We have all gotten closer than before and we will start doing more family gatherings.  There was never any arguing over anything after my daughters death, like some families do.  We are closer now more than ever. But we are praying and believing God will bring us all into the new year with new and great beginnings.  I posted this blog to get some relief from this eventful year.  I will always miss my daughter, and I know she is with me.  But this helps me to heal and move on. 

It is so important to me if I can help anyone out there who has issues with family or friends.  Please don’t wait until it’s to late to make things right, life is to to to short for anyone to be angry at someone over some minor mess.  Take a look around at what’s going on in the world.  Are you so pissed with someone that you can’t talk to them and work it out.  Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. Oh just so you know, no one in our family was upset with someone else, we are a family that will work out whatever differences we have and move on with lots of love.  There is not a day that goes by that we don’t tell a family or friend that we love them.  Not saying we are all that, saying we don’t care what happened yesterday, its gone, we just try to make today better so we can move on to tomorrow with more love.  Lets love one another, no matter what is going on.  Pray for each other and those who hurt you or done wrong by you.  Pray and let it go.  To all bloggers, Have a Happy New Year and I love you all.


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